Kudos to Square Mile magazine for really embodying the City’
“Despite the dismal financial outlook, Square Mile magazine held their annual Summer Party on Friday 13th for 1,000 City bankers.”
So far so good. Economic downturns happen to poor people, yah? And as is to be expected from the responsible custodians of our economic future, the party was extremely classy:
“[There were] no signs of the dismal economy as 1,000 finance professionals quaffed free champagne, vodka and were entertained by fire-breathing strippers and snake charmers.
Ex-city trader Anton Kreil, set to become the first person to execute a financial trade in space was the special guest on the night pulling up in a blacked out Mercedes wearing a flight suit and mirrored Rayban’s. [sic]
The exclusive party went on until 6am in the morning and was the finale to the Square Mile Summer Festival.”
The press release goes on to note that “for over seven years Square Mile magazine has been the voice of the City.” Which makes sense. Given the prevailing sense of entitlement and all round detachment from reality, the party sounds bang on trend.
Tax payers who propped up the banks and have been thrilled by the jolly japery around the LIBOR scandal could hardly begrudge “1,000 finance professionals from banks such as UBS, Barclays and Citigroup [descending] on McQueen bar & club in the heart of Shoreditch.”
And of course there’s absolutely nothing crass about a predominantly male group being entertained by “all-girl dance troupe, Girls Roc and fire-breathing strippers”. In fact, most etiquette guides smile on the inclusion of flaming floozies at a sophisticated soirée. It’s also de rigour to mention by name the drinks you are serving – Iceberg Vodka and Louis Roederer champagne as it happens.
Customers currently fuming at continuing problems with their RBS and Ulster Bank accounts will no doubt be soothed somewhat when they hear that a “chill out room…with Ibiza Angels massage girls” was on offer to “service tired bankers”.
After revealing such sterling work, it’s odd that Square Mile magazine’s comment on the shindig came from the mysteriously named “Head of PR for Square Mile magazine”.
Still, it’s good to know that ex-Goldman Sachs trader – they’ve come out of the economic collapse well, haven’t they? – Kreil was special guest at the event. Square Mile magazine tells us that Kreil will be “the first person in history to make a financial markets transaction from space”. Is there any chance space might keep him? The description of his arrival at the party suggests he may just be too beautiful for this world:
“Arriving in a blacked out Mercedes with a team of astronauts in tow, Anton was dressed in his flight suit and mirrored sunglasses was surrounded by photographers and adoring women before being briskly whisked inside to his VIP table.”
The Kernel is sure that the entire banking sector will be delighted with the hard work Square Mile magazine is doing to improve its PR profile. But if, for some strange reason, it would rather hire some better advocates, it should stay tuned for our forthcoming special report on the PR industry.