Review of the Decade

You remember that shit song Tony Blair liked? ‘Things Can Only Get Better? I am going to campaign for a rerelease. After a decade which saw global religious war, rotten aggressive military actions, erosion of my civil liberties, and economic colla…

Panto, Tweenies, and Hebden Bridge Picture House

Do you remember when I went to see The Tweenies with Rachel? You probably don’t, why would you? I took Rachel to see The Tweenies Live. We had a wicked time, but it ended up costing me nearly 70, including train fares, merchandise, and tickets. I…

Neologisms

Instead of the usual list of resolutions, or a tired review of the past decade, I have decided to give you a list of words, which need to enter the modern lexicon in 2010. Redormification- to go back to bed. Neocoiffophobia -Fear of hairdressers. …

Neocoiffophobia

Neocoiffophobia. A very serious condition, for which we have only just invented a name. The fear of trying new hairdressers. I have had the same hairdresser, on and off for the best part of a decade. This man, has prevented me from making all mann…

New Dolls House Furniture.

Rachel has a dolls house. A huge, wooden dolls house from the Early Learning Centre. I logged onto their website today, to check out new room sets for it. They are all pink. Shiny, sugary bloody pink. Would you rather have this, or this. She insis…

X Factor and Rage Against the Machine

I watched X Factor. I did. I watched two or three episodes. If am honest, I watched it to see if Cheryls hair would become sentient, and start a revolution live on ITV. The kids involved, were pretty much indistinguishable from each other. Pretty,…

Contagious christmas awe.

I have historically been a bit of a humbug. My childhood christmasses were nothing to be celebrated, and ill afforded presents often ended up at the pawn shop. I have been a stepmother for nine years, but christmas with teenagers is an orgy of con…

Dear Mr.Programme Controller C/O Cbeebies

I watched Sid making an awesome rocket picture this afternoon. By the way, congratulations on hiring Sid, he improves the aesthetics of Cbeebies. Sid put a piece of paper on the floor, squirted paint all over it, then bounced tennis balls through …

Message from Santa….

Rachel got this message from Santa… This is very very exciting. And useful. While I may have been quick to dismiss the idea of Santa Claus, as a glory hunting twat, I may have been wrong. Do you have any idea how effective it is to tell Rachel t…

Ok ok…

..I try to avoid nauseating sentimentality-but sitting around, on a December Sunday, watching Miracle on 34th Street, in front of the fire, with a little girl who didn’t realise there were actual movies with Santa in them. That is pretty much reas…